Blurred Lines: What Script Writing Has Taught Me as a Celebrant

Always learning - what script writing has taught me as a marriage celebrant

Thinking that I was going to specialise in legals only weddings, I thought I would dedicate as little as time and effort needed in writing scripts. In addition to this, most couples I meet tell me they want a no-frills ceremony to which I willingly oblige.

When structure met meaning

For my first wedding at St Andrew’s Ukrainian Catholic Church, I was enthusiastically researching different Ukrainian wedding traditions and came across the rushnyk wedding tradition. A rushnyk is an intricately and thoughtfully embroidered wedding cloth that the couple is to stand on to symbolise during the ceremony. Not having confirmed this meeting with a person of Ukrainian descent, I do not want to butcher the meaning but I think it is to represent “stepping together” as a couple and the design as a homage to culture and ancestry. However, after discussing this with my partner, he assured me that I was overstepping. 

The Comfort of a Template

So in consulting Dr Google, I found a ceremony script template on the Victoria State Government website. It seems fair enough – 

• a welcome

• the monitum phrased as a question for the couple

• the monitum

• legal vows

• option for personal vows (which is best to do second so they can ugly cry if they need to)

• the pronunciation

• the signing

• the conclusion

• 
  

It is very logical and does give you some room for edits and even improv on the day, particularly in the welcome and conclusion. So often the evening before the ceremony while I consult my checklist, I look at the script and of course it is only in the late hour that I decide to personalise it.

But is good, good enough?

But that late hour is barely enough. Usually it is a borrowed hour, with my toddler often moments away from waking. So what happens? Walking away from the ceremony like it could have been better.

Although I always ask my couples to read the script and confirm their satisfaction with it, they often seem to not follow the ceremony structure or outline on the day. They often look dumbfounded so really, maybe the rushnyk would have been a nice touch for that first wedding?

What future me is changing

I think future me will need to work on building a questionnaire for that initial meeting that has all the implicit information I need to write a script that I am happy with. I want my couples to feel that their love story has been wonderfully captured and that their ceremony is a mere sonnet in their anthology that is the rest of their life. 

So finally, what did I learn? The script is for us, the celebrants, to follow along with on the day. The sense of predictability helps us keep calm and relaxed which then projects onto the couples. It helps us keep a calm environment for the couple so that they are able to focus on vowing forever.

I think the 3 basic questions to ask for that initial meeting that will help you with your script writing include:

1. How did you meet?

2. How long have you been together?

3. Who will be at your wedding?

   
   

These questions then provide implicit information that will help you deduce their values, their story and their vibes. 

The blurred line

So yes, the ceremony script provides structure.

Yes, it fulfils legal requirements.

But it also quietly carries meaning, safety and intention.

And somewhere between the template and the rushnyk, I learned that scripts are not just words we read — they are the framework that allows love to stand, breathe and be witnessed.